There was a time...

There was a time when I really felt like I was best defined as (nothing more) than "a breastfeeding mother." It's true. For the first couple of months, I felt like that is all I did, that was all I was good for, and that was most likely all I would do for the rest of my life. It's funny how that time seemed never-ending in the midst of it all, but now that I have made it through the rough stuff, I can look back and say, "now that wasn't so hard, was it?" But trust me, it was not so easy to see the forest through the trees for quite some time there.

Now don't get me wrong. I didn't hate it or have a bad attitude towards nursing my little girl, but geez louise... I had some rough times. Let's see...
-First of all, I think all I did for the first 3 months was nurse, burp, then prepare to nurse again. Charlotte was eating almost every 2 hours throughout the day up until just about a week ago.
-I have been labeled by my lactation consultant as an "over-producer." This means I've gotten to live through such joyous moments as waking up most mornings with rock-hard boulders attached to my chest, and still, to this day, going through boxes upon boxes upon boxes of nursing pads since I rarely survive even one minute without them.
-I also got Mastitis (breast infection) 3 times in 3 months. Lovely.
-I have a baby who is a "stop-and-smell-the-roses" type of eater. It was not uncommon for her to take about 45 minutes to nurse as she just chilled out and enjoyed life while savoring every drop of milk.

So why am I telling you all of this? Because I am now on the other side of it all. And you know what? It is, and was, worth every second. Now Charlotte has started to go about 3-4 hours between feedings (hallelujah); she is a little more efficient with her eating process; I still blow through a gazillion nursing pads, but I have gotten to test drive tons of brands and I've finally found my fave (Johnson's); and well... I haven't quite figured out this Mastitis thing, but I've survived all 3 infections, so that's got to count for something.

I remember reading about nursing moms in my (many) books that said there was a beautiful bond that developed between them with their baby when they nursed. These moms loved the time they had when they would just stare into their baby's eyes as they fed them. Initially, I thought these ladies were a little on the crazy side. I believed in the benefits of breastfeeding just as much as the next mom, but that seemed a little far-fetched, and maybe even slightly ridiculous. But I have to admit - I'm now one of "them." I enjoy the time that I get with my little girl when I feed her. I truly cherish the bond that we have and the way that she looks up at me and smiles right in the middle of nursing.

I no longer feel burdened by this job I have. It's no longer what defines me, but it sure is a part of who I am. And I wouldn't trade it for anything.